I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. - Psalm 34:4 (ESV)
My father was mild-mannered most of the time. However, for what appeared to be random reasons at random times, he would occasionally fly into an angry and violent physical and verbal rage. One night he nearly strangled my sister to death. Over dinner one night he tried to bludgeon my face. One night, in a hotel room, he woke up suddenly and tried to assault me. He was also prone to violent, expletive-filled tirades. Needless to say, I was afraid of him, and I worked diligently to make sure nothing set him off.
Many years later, as an adult, I was seeking The Lord for healing from my own PTSD; PTSD stemming from my father's trauma-inducing episodes of physical and emotional rage. I asked The Lord what made my father so mad.
As the Lord would have it, not long after my prayer, I was leading a consulting project supporting the US Army. One particular day we were on site at Fort Stewart, one of the Army's largest tank warfare training operations. During a morning meeting with the project team, the Army's project manager let me know that a simulated war exercise was scheduled on site that afternoon. He asked me if I would like to observe. I jumped at the chance.
We loaded into jeeps that afternoon and headed to the warfare training site. We offloaded not far from a line of several of the Army's latest tanks, firing at targets located a mile or more downrange. (I was told that the tanks could accurately hit targets the size of laptop screens from over one mile away while moving at thirty miles per hour over rugged terrain.) The tanks were not firing when we first arrived.
A few minutes later, they began firing. I jumped three feet in the air. The entire project team had a good laugh at me. Not long after, a live round fell out of one of the tanks. Thankfully, an alert soldier quickly dealt with it. Not long after that, several Apache helicopters began a simulated assault on the tanks. I was terrified and visibly shaking.
When I was back in my hotel room that night contemplating the experience, I remembered asking The Lord why my dad was so mad. It dawned on me that what I experienced for an hour, my dad experienced for several months in actual warfare, fighting against the Nazis in Normandy, France, Belgium, and Germany as part of his World War II battle campaigns. My father was a Silver Star battle hero in World War II, but he and those around him and those around me paid a heavy price.
In retrospect, I believe my father suffered from extreme PTSD related to his war experiences. I suspect that when my father ran into my sister by surprise in a stairwell in our house late one night, my father got triggered and launched into hand-to-hand combat mode, thinking his daughter was a German soldier. That's why he tried to strangle my sister. I strongly suspect that any loud noises that woke my father were triggering him as well, thinking that live round explosions were going off around him. I suspect that many things going on around my father - sounds, smells, sights, and other associations - were somehow associated with his horrific war experiences and were triggering his physical and verbal rage. I believe that's why my dad was so mad.
These matters are nearly impossible for individuals and families to reconcile. The people who love them or are supposed to love them and who they love are assaulting, harming, and traumatizing them physically, sexually, verbally, and/or emotionally.
Our souls are not wired to reconcile these heinous inconsistencies. The contrast between what should be and what is is so stark that its irreconcilability becomes part of the trauma imprinted on the survivor's soul. It was never meant to be this way.
One of the most insidious aspects of trauma and its related PTSD is that PTSD often leads to more PTSD, especially within families. When a parent suffers from PTSD, the toxic outflows—such as abuse, neglect, abandonment, mental illness, and/or substance abuse—become the trauma that causes PTSD in their children.
My PTSD was the result of my father's PTSD stemming from his WWII combat experiences. I am very sorry to say that my wife and children suffered from my PTSD emotional outbursts and disassociations. Unfortunately, this cycle of PTSD persists until an intervention occurs. In my situation, it was the grace of God that intervened through the guidance of a Christian counselor; when at the end of one of our family therapy sessions, the counselor took me aside and suggested that I might have PTSD. I was not familiar with the term, but I was desperate for deliverance on my own behalf and on behalf of the family I was traumatizing. That day launched years of hard co-laboring work with Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and a few Spirit-filled counselors.
By the grace of God, we are all now victoriously winning the battles and war with PTSD. PTSD is bowing at The Name of Jesus in our family line. Jesus has shown up in counseling sessions, in answers to prayers, in the advice of doctors, in Scripture, and in recommended reading. I am listing some of the resources that have been helpful in our PTSD healing and deliverance journey below.
My hope and prayer for you and your family is that if you or your loved ones suffer from PTSD that The Lord will heal you; help you forgive those who traumatized you, give you the grace to co-labor with Him in your deliverance; and walk free for your good, the good of those around you, and the Glory of God.
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
The PTSD Workbook
The Body Keeps the Score
Forgiving What You Can't Forget
HELPFUL SCRIPTURES
Matthew 19:26 ESV
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Isaiah 41:10 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Proverbs 1:33 ESV
But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.”
Psalm 147:3 ESV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
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